Growing Pains

As I have been praying and thinking through this whole process of preparing to go to Hungary, including discerning my call in the first place, one phrase keeps popping into my mind: “spiritually refining”. Yes, this is just the beginning of my journey as a missionary to Hungary, but it has already been incredibly refining and affirming.

Of course that is not to say that is has been easy. Not at all, in fact. These past few months have been some of the most challenging and emotionally and physically taxing I have experienced in my whole life. In fact, I would even call the process painful. Uprooting my life and career, planning to leave my family behind, and planning a wedding with my fiancé thousands of miles away.

But in this pain I remembered so many years ago when I hit my (granted quite limited) growth spurt. Not only did my legs literally hurt as they stretched and grew, but in my newfound height I was also awkward and found myself tripping and falling more than I would like to admit. So I guess they call them “growing pains” for a reason.

So it makes sense that spiritual growing pains would be similarly painful, but also completely necessary.

These past few months may have been difficult and painful at times, but I also know that I am growing closer to God every day, doing my absolute best to seek HIS will than rather my own. And in this realizing that it is by His strength alone that anything is possible.

1 Timothy 4:10 says;

“For to this end we toil and strive, because we have a hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially those who believe.”

The Bible is fairly explicit that spiritual growth is not optional (Hebrews 6:1-4, Ephesians 4:11-14, 2 Peter3:16-18). As followers of Christ it is absolutely essential and something we should long for. So it is nice to know that even in the pain, I’m on the right track.

But another thing about growth is that it’s gradual…it doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a process. Every day, really every minute of every day, I have to remind myself that I’m no longer in charge of my life. “Jesus, Savior Pilot Me” has become one of my favorite songs and I sing it every morning, reminding myself of who is in charge of my life.

Deciding to become a missionary was a declaration of a change in my heart and purpose; I realized I’m no longer in charge of my life and finally decided to start acting that way. But as a sinful human it is so easy to slip back into thinking I’m in charge and that if I just work hard enough I can do everything…and God keeps reminding me that is just not the case. And although the growth is painful and tiresome at times, because of the joy of knowing and serving Him, it is completely worth it.

So I’m asking you to be praying for me in this time. Because I am all about real, genuine relationships being able to meet and reconnect with people as I raise up my ministry support team has been incredibly joyful and satisfying. But as an introvert who truly cherishes her alone time, it has also been a very exhausting time as I navigate a full-time job along with these meetings. Not to mention wedding planning on the side! It has been an incredibly physical reminder that my human body and mind can only do so much and it is only by God’s strength alone in me that I can do anything. So please pray for me to keep my focus on God throughout this process.

I am beyond excited to go to Hungary and serve the people there, and am excited to do it with the man I love. I am excited to work towards being fully funded and able to leave in February. But I don’t want to forget about my opportunities to serve here and now, so please pray for me to continue to glorify God in everything I do.